The reason I don't go on dates with random people, is because they can be SOOOOO awkward. Hysterical if you aren't part of the date. Tonight I was out to eat with my roommate and we ended up beside a couple on their first date, and we were close enough to them, that we heard every single thing that was said.
Being the writer that I am, I start writing quotes down.
Here are some of the most hilarious from the couple beside us (or should I say the guy, because he was the only one talking). I couldn't stop laughing. My s
tomach still hurts.
tomach still hurts.
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On the subject of surfing (complete with hand gestures): “I
can drown perfectly. You have to learn how to drown perfectly so you don’t
panic with the waves. And I do breaststroke forward and backstroke backwards.”
On the subject of drinking: The girl tries to order an
alcoholic drink. Man interjects, “She doesn’t drink.” And then proceeds to tell
his date why he doesn’t drink….starting with “4 generations ago” and ending with
“I just get a headache every time I take a drink.”
On the subject of inventions: “Because I have a life…” and
ends the paragraph with pulling out something he invented – a paper bag holder
for the grocery store. “It comes in black, blue, and pink. I wasn’t sure which
one you would like so I brought you a black one since black goes with everything.”
On the subject of dreams: “A lot of my inventions come to me
in dreams. I always keep a pen and paper beside my bed so I can jot down things
in the night. One night I had 30 pages I wrote down. I get rid of the ideas
that are too complicated to make, and narrow it down from there.”
On the subject of Asians (which his lovely date was): “I don’t
send things to China to be made. None of my inventions have been broken since I
have them made in the United States. And I’ve sold 30,000.”
On the subject of cooking: “I can cook anything I like to
eat. My grandmother on my father’s side gave me a recipe for potato pancakes.
It’s so easy. It’s just 2 eggs….”
On the subject of apartments: “I’m in the middle of a big
transaction. And when I’m through with that, I’m going to buy a luxury
high-rise.”
On the subject of exercise machines: “I bought a piece of
exercise equipment off of Craiglist for $800 and I could tell by the 220lb
chubby brothers that it hadn’t been used much.”
On the subject of French fries: “I need more French fries. These
will be gone in 5 seconds.” Waitress says, “I will bring some out in a few
minutes when they are done.” A few minutes later, the guy says, “I still haven’t
gotten my fries yet. Is everyone eating my potatoes? I only want like 12 fries.”
The waitress brings out fries. The guy says, “This is way too many. I’ll never
eat all of these.”
On the subject of dyeing hair: “I color my hair. If I don’t,
I look like Kenny…..Kenny….Kenny Rodgers. Women color their hair, why can’t
men?”
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I have no regrets that I don't go on blind dates or do the dating site thing. No judgment on those who do, my face just can't hide expressions.
Me laughing so hard while listening to the conversation!
Seriously though, one of the most hilarious nights I've had in awhile....and to think I didn't want to be around drunk people tonight on St. Patty's Day....sober people can be just as entertaining!!
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