Dear Everyone,
This week at a conference, I ended up talking to some pastor's kids. We were discussing different aspects of it and laughing at all the silly things about it, and feeling the sobering weight of it a little bit. There have been several things brewing in my mind about it all and I've just been thinking through a lot of things.
Things I wish people actively realized about pastor's kids/families:
1. We are not a perfect family. Please don't intentionally or unintentionally put us on a pedestal. I can guarantee that we've been the family that fights allllll Sunday morning getting ready for church only to show up at church with fake smiles plastered on our faces. We have our flaws. We are humans.
2. I don't always want to lead things. Sometimes, I just get really tired of being on a lot of planning committees. Sometimes, I just want to show up and be directed.
3. Forgive us and realize we are human, just like you are. Sometimes, our words won't come out kindly or the stress of our day will make us snap. Sometimes, we are overbearing and don't listen well because we are just trying to get something done. Sometimes, we run out of time to say "yes" to any more commitments, worthy as they are. Please forgive us and extend us grace.
4. I am not my parents' babysitter. If you need to talk to them, talk to them. Don't try to talk to them through me. And if my dad doesn't get back to you immediately, patience, patience. He does a lot of things!
5. Sometimes, I'm going to come to church in a bad mood. I will get over it. But just remember, I am dealing with things under the surface like everyone else. I definitely appreciate hugs, "check-in" whispers, and extra grace on these days.
6. Our family is not on call 24/7. We absolutely love the Body of Christ and want to be there for people. But sometimes, we need family-centric time to spend time together and to be a family and communicate and regroup without other people weighing in on our lives.
7. I think it's very stressful to be in a constant "Role Model" role. Sometimes, I wear leggings and t-shirts to church. My shorts aren't always finger-tip length. Sometimes, curse words come out of my mouth. Sometimes, I'm moody. The older I've gotten, the more I've learned to be who I am and be raw and vulnerable with people. But sometimes, it's still hard to get past the "what will people think" or the "you should be ___" mentality. I've learned to be a better role model by living openly and honestly, not just playing a "perfect role."
Things I've learned along the journey:
1. Forgiveness. Oh, I have I learned about forgiveness. A wise friend of mine once told me, "I've come to the conclusion that Jesus allows so many issues in the church so we can practice forgiveness before we go out into the world and have to forgive people that don't have God in them." I am quite certain he has the lesson down. People in the church hurt us. The Lord knows I've spent hours weeping and mourning words said about me and my family and friendships lost. But we forgive, and move on. And the God of Redemption redeems and is faithful.
2. I've learned to allow myself to feel emotions, and then to keep moving forward. I have been angry and hated going to church at times. I have felt lonely and unloved sitting in the seats. I have felt joyous as I listened to people telling their "God Stories." I have felt ashamed as I've listened to people saying they were hurt by me. I've laughed at the kids' honest stories. It is important to feel these things and learn from them, but to keep moving forward and to not be bitter.
3. I've learned to love and appreciate people where they are at in life. Especially if they aren't where I think they should be. I just really love people!
4. I've learned to be a jack-of-all-trades. I can run sound, work the projector, clean, open up the church, set up the kitchen, facilitate, teach, and many other random things. I'm not particularly gifted in most of these things, but at least I now have a functioning knowledge! ;)
5. I've learned the importance of celebration and gratitude of what God is doing - in the church, in other peoples' lives, in our lives. I love that Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding! He loves celebration!
6. I've learned to be more intentional about reaching out to people. Feeling lonely and unwelcome or unnoticed in a church absolutely sucks. I often try to go out of my way to welcome people.
7. I've learned how to release things/projects/etc. to people and not micromanage.
8. I've learned about the faithfulness and love of God. He is so good.
So thank you, for the encouragement, and grace, and forgiveness. Thank you for the hard lessons and the fun lessons learned along the way. Thank you for helping to mold me into a more passionate, honest, vulnerable Follower of Christ. I am thankful for the journey that being a pastor's kid has been and how it's molded me into the adult I am.
**Disclaimer: Our church has gotten really good about all of these things and I love all of you! It's meant as more of a general PSA. Also, these points don't apply to every PK, but they can also apply to families who do ministry in general.**
Love,
Elizabeth
This week at a conference, I ended up talking to some pastor's kids. We were discussing different aspects of it and laughing at all the silly things about it, and feeling the sobering weight of it a little bit. There have been several things brewing in my mind about it all and I've just been thinking through a lot of things.
Things I wish people actively realized about pastor's kids/families:
1. We are not a perfect family. Please don't intentionally or unintentionally put us on a pedestal. I can guarantee that we've been the family that fights allllll Sunday morning getting ready for church only to show up at church with fake smiles plastered on our faces. We have our flaws. We are humans.
2. I don't always want to lead things. Sometimes, I just get really tired of being on a lot of planning committees. Sometimes, I just want to show up and be directed.
3. Forgive us and realize we are human, just like you are. Sometimes, our words won't come out kindly or the stress of our day will make us snap. Sometimes, we are overbearing and don't listen well because we are just trying to get something done. Sometimes, we run out of time to say "yes" to any more commitments, worthy as they are. Please forgive us and extend us grace.
4. I am not my parents' babysitter. If you need to talk to them, talk to them. Don't try to talk to them through me. And if my dad doesn't get back to you immediately, patience, patience. He does a lot of things!
5. Sometimes, I'm going to come to church in a bad mood. I will get over it. But just remember, I am dealing with things under the surface like everyone else. I definitely appreciate hugs, "check-in" whispers, and extra grace on these days.
6. Our family is not on call 24/7. We absolutely love the Body of Christ and want to be there for people. But sometimes, we need family-centric time to spend time together and to be a family and communicate and regroup without other people weighing in on our lives.
7. I think it's very stressful to be in a constant "Role Model" role. Sometimes, I wear leggings and t-shirts to church. My shorts aren't always finger-tip length. Sometimes, curse words come out of my mouth. Sometimes, I'm moody. The older I've gotten, the more I've learned to be who I am and be raw and vulnerable with people. But sometimes, it's still hard to get past the "what will people think" or the "you should be ___" mentality. I've learned to be a better role model by living openly and honestly, not just playing a "perfect role."
Things I've learned along the journey:
1. Forgiveness. Oh, I have I learned about forgiveness. A wise friend of mine once told me, "I've come to the conclusion that Jesus allows so many issues in the church so we can practice forgiveness before we go out into the world and have to forgive people that don't have God in them." I am quite certain he has the lesson down. People in the church hurt us. The Lord knows I've spent hours weeping and mourning words said about me and my family and friendships lost. But we forgive, and move on. And the God of Redemption redeems and is faithful.
2. I've learned to allow myself to feel emotions, and then to keep moving forward. I have been angry and hated going to church at times. I have felt lonely and unloved sitting in the seats. I have felt joyous as I listened to people telling their "God Stories." I have felt ashamed as I've listened to people saying they were hurt by me. I've laughed at the kids' honest stories. It is important to feel these things and learn from them, but to keep moving forward and to not be bitter.
3. I've learned to love and appreciate people where they are at in life. Especially if they aren't where I think they should be. I just really love people!
4. I've learned to be a jack-of-all-trades. I can run sound, work the projector, clean, open up the church, set up the kitchen, facilitate, teach, and many other random things. I'm not particularly gifted in most of these things, but at least I now have a functioning knowledge! ;)
5. I've learned the importance of celebration and gratitude of what God is doing - in the church, in other peoples' lives, in our lives. I love that Jesus' first miracle was turning water into wine at a wedding! He loves celebration!
6. I've learned to be more intentional about reaching out to people. Feeling lonely and unwelcome or unnoticed in a church absolutely sucks. I often try to go out of my way to welcome people.
7. I've learned how to release things/projects/etc. to people and not micromanage.
8. I've learned about the faithfulness and love of God. He is so good.
So thank you, for the encouragement, and grace, and forgiveness. Thank you for the hard lessons and the fun lessons learned along the way. Thank you for helping to mold me into a more passionate, honest, vulnerable Follower of Christ. I am thankful for the journey that being a pastor's kid has been and how it's molded me into the adult I am.
**Disclaimer: Our church has gotten really good about all of these things and I love all of you! It's meant as more of a general PSA. Also, these points don't apply to every PK, but they can also apply to families who do ministry in general.**
Love,
Elizabeth
This is so well said, my dear! Frees us to walk in humility; frees others to come on board the leadership train; no PERFECT ticket required. I love you and I love the words that flow out of you.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely!! Love you, Mama!
Delete