An hour into work this morning, I was in a classroom helping to behavior manage one of my work kids as he screamed, pretended to point guns at me, threw and kicked things and raged as his little body was spinning out of control. Eventually, we got the kid into a safer space and deescalated; he even came to my room later to apologize and hug me. Despite the "happy ending" my Mama-heart wrenched as I reflected on the situation throughout the day. You see, I know some things about his home life, and that is a source of the rage that comes out sometimes. He isn't always loved the way he should be and learning, constructive behaviors and skills aren't always modeled to him.
Fast forward to this evening. My landlord needed to come over and grab something, so he texted me saying that something had come up and he asked me if he could bring his kids along. I decided to bake some cookies for them, and when they came over, I fed them cookies and the littlest boy sat at my counter drinking milk and eating cookies asking me all kinds of questions. He said, "I am 3! I am almost as big as my dad!" My landlord is a great role model to his kids and spends time with them.
As I was reflecting over all of this tonight, I couldn't help but feel a sense of urgency at what it means to leave a legacy in the lives of the people I come in contact with, especially my work kids. Will I have modeled loving, structured behavior, or will I have added to the stress and chaos already felt? Will I speak encouragement and uplifting words over them, or will I speak curses and tear them down? Will I demonstrate laughter and bravery, or will I demonstrate harshness and fear?
About 6 months ago, my Grammy died and even now I still catch myself picking up my phone to call and tell her about my kids that day, or discussing travel plans and recent adventures. Her birthday was last week, and I wished I could have just one more conversation with her. She was such an influential person in my life, but I see how much of a legacy she imparted into me and my life. I wrote and spoke the following at her memorial service -
My Grammy was nothing if not tenacious. She was determined and hardworking in many areas in life – her schooling, her nursing career, her generosity, the way she saw the world, traveling. I would be lying if I said that I was never intimidated by her, especially when I was a young child, but the older I got and the closer I became with her, the more I saw the kind heart that drove her tenacity.
Grammy was smart. Not only was she college educated, but she was life smart. She shared with me stories about how she had classes with Rosie Greer (the Penn State Football player) or about the time she was attacked when walking to her car but got away. We would talk about health and medical practices – her from her nursing standpoint and I from my occupational therapy standpoint. She knew about a broad range of topics and was always learning and asking questions. I smile when I look at the picture I sneakily took of her browsing Hurley’s Auction on her tablet, or when she would mention something I posted on Facebook (I often forgot she had it!) and ask me questions of how to work Facebook. She kept the neatest ledgers I have ever seen and journaled every day, often reminding me, “When you journal, write peoples’ full names so that when you are old and can’t remember, you have it written down!”
Grammy was adventurous. I miss being greeted with “How’s my world traveler?” when I walk in the door at Sunny Side, but I cherish the many conversations we had about Israel, Africa, various U.S. states and all sorts of other places. We talked about people we met, food we ate, and sights we saw. She was always asking what adventures I was going on next, and we would reminisce about places she went. When she found out that I was going to be living in California a few years ago, she said, “If you get to Santa Barbara, look up my friend Saul Alcaraz and take a glass blowing class from him.” And I did! Grammy and Pappy sent me and two of my siblings on a trip to Israel this past summer and it was incredible to walk where Jesus walked. When we got back it was fun to discuss the different places that we had gone and her and Pap have gone and see how it changed over the years. She inspired me to go, do, and see new things, and because I now make every effort to do that, it has shaped the woman I have become.
Grammy lived a life of generosity. I saw this both in my life and in how I observed her with others. She was always inviting people in – to holidays, to life. If someone didn’t have family or their family wasn’t close by during holidays, they often got a Martin invitation! Whenever I would stop by Sunny Side, she was always asking me if I needed anything. My student lamp sits in my living room, a daily reminder of hours spent talking and learning about antiques and my Israeli nativity set sits under my tree at Christmas time.
I spent quite a few afternoons talking with her about life, telling her funny stories about my work kids, watching Hallmark movies or the news, eating take out, learning more about antiques, and listening to her share various stories with me. The only time I tolerated watching WWE wrestling was with her, because I was very entertained watching her yell comments at the TV and say things like “hit him with the chair! Beat him! Go go!” Or at their 40th anniversary party where someone asked her to whistle, and she joked, “Charles would divorce me!” To which he quickly replied, “I would not!” Resulting in a humorous picture of Grammy whistling while Pap has his hands over his ears.
In addition to being smart, adventurous, determined, and generous, Grammy was inquisitive, had a great sense of humor, and was passionate about her family, friends, and antiques.
There are so many memories I have and so many reminders that bittersweetly remind me of her. I loved her very much. But my favorite thing about her is how much she loved Jesus. When I looked through her Bible one time, many years ago on a car ride to church, I was amazed at all of the underlining and notes. I loved sitting there discussing various principles or things we learned in church. While I will miss our conversations on earth, I am happy that she got to spend this Easter in the very best place – with her Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
God knew what He was doing when He gave me Grammy Evelyn as my grandma. When I grow up, I want to be a lot like her – Godly, spunky, hard working, determined, generous, compassionate, and adventurous.
I am so thankful for the legacy numerous people have left, and are still leaving, in my life. I am thankful for my community of people - the people who accept me as I am, challenge me, extend grace to me, laugh with me, cry with me, and hug me.
I want to be that for my work kids, coworkers, family, friends, random strangers. But in order to do it, I need to be aware of the opportunities. Then when I am aware of opportunities, I need to act on them. I need to speak encouraging words even when irritated. I need to hug people and laugh with people and listen to people. Whatever it looks like, wherever it happens. How many lives do we have the ability to touch in a day, in a week, in a month, in a year, in a lifetime?
A legacy doesn't just happen when you are dead, it happens day in and day out as you live your life. What kind of legacy are you leaving with people?
"An inheritance is what you leave with people. A legacy is what you leave in them." - Craig D. Lounsbrough
Me with two of the most influential women in my life - my mom and my Grammy.
Comments
Post a Comment