In a week I turn 25. A quarter of a century. So much time. Just a blink.
About two weeks ago, my carefully constructed, planned out month started crashing. Work-related stress grew exponentially, to the point that I was having nightmares. The weight of assignments needing to be done for my college classes weighed heavily on my brain. I was running and trying to keep up with life while trying to make time for loved ones. I didn't get enough sleep or have time to relax. Slowly, my body ached with exhaustion, and my eyes grew puffy. I didn't feel joy in being around people and I was tired constantly. I felt emotionally numb, and that was actually scary, except that I was so tired I didn't care.
So the following week, I canceled plans to rest and relax. And while that was good and my body stopped aching, my face was still swollen and my throat scratchy. It is so terrible to have such a swollen face that I feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy...and let's not even talk about how much I did not want to look in the mirror.
Then I was officially diagnosed with mono. Yes, I think I wanted to make a dramatic, grand entrance into age 25!
It has been quite a year that even as I reflect on it, I'm still a little bit bitter that I'm spending these last weeks of 24 recuperating from mental, emotional, and physical burn out. It doesn't seem like a fitting end to such an influential year. Yet at the same time, Jesus is still getting the idea of rest (and not just sleep) but true, deep rest to settle into my stubborn heart and brain, so I'm working on embracing that so my body doesn't have to get to this point again.
But, Jesus' grace is sufficient, and He is so, so faithful.
Twenty-four has been the year of learning to trust more deeply in my life.
It has required me to crack my heart and soul open and peer into the deepest parts. In doing this, I have had to confront insecurities and change my perspective on them. I have had to trust others more deeply to enter my life and journey with me, hearing and confiding some hard stuff and allowing myself to love and be loved. My heart was cracked over and over as I spent time in Colombia with people I dearly grew to love and as I spent more time with amazing, selfless Royal Family Kids' Camp staff getting trained as a director and serving alongside my friends at our local camp. I have listened to endless stories of peoples' lives - honest and gut-wrenching and hope-filled.
In doing this, I have cried so many tears this year. I hate to cry publicly, but I'm slowly getting over that. Because you know what, sometimes your heart just can't help but to leak out your eyes as you listen, and process, and love, and hurt, and laugh, and take in beautiful moments, and honor raw places.
I feel like I have had spiritual heart surgery this year in a lot of ways. A deep, gutting out and plucking of ideas, expectations, and insecurities that needed to be dealt with. Metaphorical healing stitches that repaired me in different ways and changed my perspective on things and enabled me to feel and trust more deeply.
It has been good. Hard. But so rewarding.
And at 24, I feel like I have settled more deeply into who I am and how God made me. I have been willing to have honest and hard conversations and grow and self-reflect. I have the confidence to do things I want to do and work hard and go after my goals and dreams. I am less bothered by what people outside my circle think about me and take offense less easily. I am more open to listening to and valuing other peoples' perspectives and opinions even if it's not how I see things, and I genuinely enjoy hearing how people think! Sometimes, I am a total dork, and I'm pretty much weird all the time, and I am totally okay with all of that nonsense.
Here are some things I have really been enjoying this year in daily life-
1. Grocery shopping at Aldi's - It is so satisfying!! Their produce. Their frozen veggies. Their eggs and hummus. Everything. I'm a total fan girl about it.
2. Podcasts on my podcast app- I feel like I get to sit at peoples' feet and glean wisdom when I'm listening to podcasts. It's like the perfect thing for drives! AND THEY HAVE PODCASTS FOR EVERYTHING.
My top 5 (in no particular order): Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson, James MacDonald - Walk in the Word, Exploring the Prophetic with Shawn Bolz, SHE podcast with Jordan Lee Dooley, Brilliant Perspectives with Graham Cooke
3. Reading Non-fiction - Don't make fun of me, but it was never a priority to read non-fiction, and now, I prefer it! Biographies, self-help, spiritual books.
Some of the best books I've read this year: Reading People by Anne Boegel, The Hole in the Gospel by Richard Stearns, Befriend by Scott Sauls, Hiking Through: One Man's Journey to Peace and Freedom on the Appalachian Trail by Paul Stutzman, and Quiet: Hearing God Amidst the Noise by AJ Sherrill.
4. Coffee - It has been a want, not a need, but I learned to enjoy it in so many ways this year throughout my adventures. I used to be an "I'll take a drop of coffee with my milk and sugar" kind of girl. I now enjoy it black, iced, warm lattes, with a little cream, with a little sugar, or with a little flavoring. I've enjoyed it around late night campfires, adorable cafes, in airports, at my home with friends, during rushed mornings to work. I don't drink it every day but when I do, I sure enjoy it!
5. The trees - forever the trees are a place of calm to me. It doesn't matter how long I go in between spending time in them, anything in the woods is like returning to old friends. It's my favorite place to relax and spend time with God.
And last but not least, 24 (+1 for good measure) of my favorite pictures from this past year (with awkward formatting!)!
Twenty-four has been good to me, and I can't wait to see all the lessons, adventures, and processes 25 will take me through.
"I love getting older. My understanding deepens. I can see what connects. I can weave stories of experience and apply them. I can integrate the lessons. Things simply become more & more fascinating. Beauty reveals itself in thousands of forms." - Victoria Erickson
About two weeks ago, my carefully constructed, planned out month started crashing. Work-related stress grew exponentially, to the point that I was having nightmares. The weight of assignments needing to be done for my college classes weighed heavily on my brain. I was running and trying to keep up with life while trying to make time for loved ones. I didn't get enough sleep or have time to relax. Slowly, my body ached with exhaustion, and my eyes grew puffy. I didn't feel joy in being around people and I was tired constantly. I felt emotionally numb, and that was actually scary, except that I was so tired I didn't care.
So the following week, I canceled plans to rest and relax. And while that was good and my body stopped aching, my face was still swollen and my throat scratchy. It is so terrible to have such a swollen face that I feel like the Pillsbury Dough Boy...and let's not even talk about how much I did not want to look in the mirror.
Then I was officially diagnosed with mono. Yes, I think I wanted to make a dramatic, grand entrance into age 25!
It has been quite a year that even as I reflect on it, I'm still a little bit bitter that I'm spending these last weeks of 24 recuperating from mental, emotional, and physical burn out. It doesn't seem like a fitting end to such an influential year. Yet at the same time, Jesus is still getting the idea of rest (and not just sleep) but true, deep rest to settle into my stubborn heart and brain, so I'm working on embracing that so my body doesn't have to get to this point again.
But, Jesus' grace is sufficient, and He is so, so faithful.
Twenty-four has been the year of learning to trust more deeply in my life.
It has required me to crack my heart and soul open and peer into the deepest parts. In doing this, I have had to confront insecurities and change my perspective on them. I have had to trust others more deeply to enter my life and journey with me, hearing and confiding some hard stuff and allowing myself to love and be loved. My heart was cracked over and over as I spent time in Colombia with people I dearly grew to love and as I spent more time with amazing, selfless Royal Family Kids' Camp staff getting trained as a director and serving alongside my friends at our local camp. I have listened to endless stories of peoples' lives - honest and gut-wrenching and hope-filled.
In doing this, I have cried so many tears this year. I hate to cry publicly, but I'm slowly getting over that. Because you know what, sometimes your heart just can't help but to leak out your eyes as you listen, and process, and love, and hurt, and laugh, and take in beautiful moments, and honor raw places.
I feel like I have had spiritual heart surgery this year in a lot of ways. A deep, gutting out and plucking of ideas, expectations, and insecurities that needed to be dealt with. Metaphorical healing stitches that repaired me in different ways and changed my perspective on things and enabled me to feel and trust more deeply.
It has been good. Hard. But so rewarding.
And at 24, I feel like I have settled more deeply into who I am and how God made me. I have been willing to have honest and hard conversations and grow and self-reflect. I have the confidence to do things I want to do and work hard and go after my goals and dreams. I am less bothered by what people outside my circle think about me and take offense less easily. I am more open to listening to and valuing other peoples' perspectives and opinions even if it's not how I see things, and I genuinely enjoy hearing how people think! Sometimes, I am a total dork, and I'm pretty much weird all the time, and I am totally okay with all of that nonsense.
Here are some things I have really been enjoying this year in daily life-
1. Grocery shopping at Aldi's - It is so satisfying!! Their produce. Their frozen veggies. Their eggs and hummus. Everything. I'm a total fan girl about it.
2. Podcasts on my podcast app- I feel like I get to sit at peoples' feet and glean wisdom when I'm listening to podcasts. It's like the perfect thing for drives! AND THEY HAVE PODCASTS FOR EVERYTHING.
My top 5 (in no particular order): Girls Night with Stephanie May Wilson, James MacDonald - Walk in the Word, Exploring the Prophetic with Shawn Bolz, SHE podcast with Jordan Lee Dooley, Brilliant Perspectives with Graham Cooke
3. Reading Non-fiction - Don't make fun of me, but it was never a priority to read non-fiction, and now, I prefer it! Biographies, self-help, spiritual books.
Some of the best books I've read this year: Reading People by Anne Boegel, The Hole in the Gospel by Richard Stearns, Befriend by Scott Sauls, Hiking Through: One Man's Journey to Peace and Freedom on the Appalachian Trail by Paul Stutzman, and Quiet: Hearing God Amidst the Noise by AJ Sherrill.
4. Coffee - It has been a want, not a need, but I learned to enjoy it in so many ways this year throughout my adventures. I used to be an "I'll take a drop of coffee with my milk and sugar" kind of girl. I now enjoy it black, iced, warm lattes, with a little cream, with a little sugar, or with a little flavoring. I've enjoyed it around late night campfires, adorable cafes, in airports, at my home with friends, during rushed mornings to work. I don't drink it every day but when I do, I sure enjoy it!
5. The trees - forever the trees are a place of calm to me. It doesn't matter how long I go in between spending time in them, anything in the woods is like returning to old friends. It's my favorite place to relax and spend time with God.
And last but not least, 24 (+1 for good measure) of my favorite pictures from this past year (with awkward formatting!)!
Twenty-four has been good to me, and I can't wait to see all the lessons, adventures, and processes 25 will take me through.
"I love getting older. My understanding deepens. I can see what connects. I can weave stories of experience and apply them. I can integrate the lessons. Things simply become more & more fascinating. Beauty reveals itself in thousands of forms." - Victoria Erickson
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