As I was praying for a friend, the image of a green shoot coming out of a broken, cracked sidewalk came to mind. "Lord, let that be her heart," I prayed. And yet, "Let that be my heart as well."
These days, I seem to have near constant tears leaking out of my eyes. Tears for a stranger strung out and strewn on the sidewalk in Cusco on Christmas Eve. Tears of tension and frustration as I learn to more efficiently communicate with Luis and to blend our lives together. Tears of awe at what God is doing in friends' lives. Tears of overwhelmedness as I navigate planning a large wedding in 5 months. And sometimes, tears that just come out because my heart is overflowing with so many emotions at once.
I want to fight them, those tears and push them away and lock them up and keep the carefully constructed walls around my heart: the walls constructed by fears and doubts and insecurities.
But I can't. Like the tiny green shoots seeking the sunlight amidst the hard sidewalk pieces, the vulnerable places of my heart seek sunlight through the cracks. The shoots symbolize hope and new things. Vulnerability and resilience.
So crack, concrete slabs of my heart.
I choose to water those vulnerable shoots with my tears; watering the soil for the coming seasons; choosing faith in the little things, knowing that faith in little things fuels faith in big things.
Oftentimes, sidewalks crack due to underground movement and growth of roots and trees, the applied pressure barging its way through the barriers. Here's the thing about applied pressure, it eventually wins no matter how hard it's fought.
Just like the underground movement of the roots below sidewalks, there is shifting and pressure in my heart that wants to be released. And so, the walls slowly crumble as new life stubbornly fights its way out. Tiny shoots whisper tales of vulnerability, hope, and growth.
Slowly, I am learning to embrace the tears and the tiny shoots. The realization creeps in that I'll learn the lessons either way, but I make the choice about how the soil of my heart is to receive the wisdom and grow more like Christ.
Will the roots have to pressure and push their way through the concrete slabs I have poured? Or will my heart be open and tender to the new thoughts, ideas, and experiences I am living?
Daily, the choice is made. We make it. To cover or to till? To harden or to soften? How do you cultivate your "heart soil"? Are you stubbornly clinging to your concrete shields? Or are the tiny shoots growing stronger by the day in fertile soil?
These days, I've been finding myself cultivating in the following ways -
Cultivation - Do one thing to cultivate your heart soil this week.
These days, I seem to have near constant tears leaking out of my eyes. Tears for a stranger strung out and strewn on the sidewalk in Cusco on Christmas Eve. Tears of tension and frustration as I learn to more efficiently communicate with Luis and to blend our lives together. Tears of awe at what God is doing in friends' lives. Tears of overwhelmedness as I navigate planning a large wedding in 5 months. And sometimes, tears that just come out because my heart is overflowing with so many emotions at once.
I want to fight them, those tears and push them away and lock them up and keep the carefully constructed walls around my heart: the walls constructed by fears and doubts and insecurities.
But I can't. Like the tiny green shoots seeking the sunlight amidst the hard sidewalk pieces, the vulnerable places of my heart seek sunlight through the cracks. The shoots symbolize hope and new things. Vulnerability and resilience.
So crack, concrete slabs of my heart.
I choose to water those vulnerable shoots with my tears; watering the soil for the coming seasons; choosing faith in the little things, knowing that faith in little things fuels faith in big things.
Oftentimes, sidewalks crack due to underground movement and growth of roots and trees, the applied pressure barging its way through the barriers. Here's the thing about applied pressure, it eventually wins no matter how hard it's fought.
Just like the underground movement of the roots below sidewalks, there is shifting and pressure in my heart that wants to be released. And so, the walls slowly crumble as new life stubbornly fights its way out. Tiny shoots whisper tales of vulnerability, hope, and growth.
Slowly, I am learning to embrace the tears and the tiny shoots. The realization creeps in that I'll learn the lessons either way, but I make the choice about how the soil of my heart is to receive the wisdom and grow more like Christ.
Will the roots have to pressure and push their way through the concrete slabs I have poured? Or will my heart be open and tender to the new thoughts, ideas, and experiences I am living?
Daily, the choice is made. We make it. To cover or to till? To harden or to soften? How do you cultivate your "heart soil"? Are you stubbornly clinging to your concrete shields? Or are the tiny shoots growing stronger by the day in fertile soil?
These days, I've been finding myself cultivating in the following ways -
- consciously practicing gratitude
- intentionally allowing myself to feel all emotions, acknowledging them, figuring out the underlying cause, and then moving forward
- choosing forgiveness - of myself and others. Grace upon grace. Over and over.
- letting myself cry (I prefer when it's in my bed in the dark, but more often than not it's in public places)
Cultivation - Do one thing to cultivate your heart soil this week.
- allow yourself to acknowledge an emotion you are feeling (no emotions are "bad" - and if you stuff them, they just come up in bigger, uglier, more out of control ways)
- have a good cry
- pray a prayer of blessing over someone you are working at forgiving
- take time to process a situation in your life
- express content - especially in the mundane life dailies
- Ponder the following verses
- Isaiah 61:11 - "For as the earth brings forth its sprouts, and as a garden causes what is sown in it to sprout up so the Lord God will cause righteousness and praise to sprout up before all the nations."
- Isaiah 55:10-11 - “For as the rain and the snow come down from heaven and do not return there but water the earth, making it bring forth and sprout, giving seed to the sower and bread to the eater, so shall my word be that goes out from my mouth; it shall not return to me empty, but it shall accomplish that which I purpose, and shall succeed in the thing for which I sent it."
- Mark 4:26-29 - "And he said, “The kingdom of God is as if a man should scatter seed on the ground. He sleeps and rises night and day, and the seed sprouts and grows; he knows not how. The earth produces by itself, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear. But when the grain is ripe, at once he puts in the sickle, because the harvest has come.”
"Do not be troubled for a language, cultivate your soul and she will show herself." - Eugene Delacroix
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