Old Shoes
In the midst of packing the other night, I was knee-deep in dust and decisions. I held up each item as I chose its fate - pack, donate, throw away. When I got to my shoes, I held up my sandals and my canvas Toms. I walked all over Israel in my sandals and Ireland and Colombia with my Toms. They have been on many adventures, squished into many packed bags, and walked many steps in the airport. They are permanently stained the color of dirt, the soles are peeling off of the sandals, and the Toms have holes in the toes.
I snapped a picture of them, and then put them in a trash bag.
Even as I throw away my shoes and don new ones, I look back at the journey I've been on. Trust has been such a major struggle in my life and yet, these tattered shoes paint a picture to me of the journey thus far. How even though I struggle trusting God and those close to me at times, I've learned trust every time I've stepped foot on an airplane and every time I've figured out how to navigate new cities. I've learned trust as I've navigated jobs and housing and opened myself up to new people. God has been so faithful at providing what I need when I need it. The cost to me? The fight against my heart to intentionally trust. Even though I have much progress to make, I have come so far from where I was.
It seemed significant for some reason, the pitching of old shoes and getting used to the new ones. A symbol of transition between seasons I'm in.
"Every season your capacity changes again. Old manna won't nourish you for the next season. You can't wear your old shoes into the places we're going." - Kristina Noelle
I've been practicing leaning into life more intentionally. It takes practice, this trust stuff. I have to keep making one small choice at a time to embrace the unknown, love hard, take time to breathe deeply and drink tea. And slowly but surely, I'm checking things off my wedding, work, life to-do lists.
This is life, walking along and moving forward. Changing out the shoes for the seasons and times. I've been meditating on the Psalms lately. I admire the fact that David's walk through life was so emotionally tumultuous and honestly raw with the Lord, but still, David remained faithful.
Stepping Stone Promises
God has been reiterating it in my heart that I can keep walking forward even when I can't see the path beneath my feet. How? I stand on His promises. And when I forget those promises? I read them and meditate on them again.
Some of the promises as I've been clinging to these days as Luis and I navigate careers, hobbies, life, wedding planning, life planning, housing - all things that on my own perpetually overwhelm me:
God alone keeps me safe while sleeping vulnerably, and bonus truth - if He keeps me safe there, that means He knows WHERE I will sleep.
In peace I will both lie down and sleep; for you alone, oh Lord, make me dwell in safety. - Psalm 4:8
My circumstances don't determine whether or not I praise the Lord. I praise the Lord. (So that means keeping my attitude in check!)
I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High. - Psalm 7:17
Trusting in His love brings joy to my heart. He is generous with me.
But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, because he has dealt bountifully with me. - Psalm 13:5-6
The Lord shows me the path of life. His presence is where I find joy. If I am struggling to walk in joy, I'm not spending enough time in His presence.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. - Psalm 16:11
He hears me. It doesn't matter what words emotionally tumble out of my mouth - frustration, gratefulness, laughter, or lament, God hears.
I call upon you, for you will answer me, Oh God; incline your ear to me; hear my words. - Psalm 17:8
In my distress I called upon the Lord; to my God I cried for help. From his temple he heard my voice, and my cry to him reached his ears. - Psalm 18:6
God rescues me and delights in me. Not only does he rescue me, he brings me to a broad, safe place. And why does he rescue me? Because He delights in me
He brought me out into a broad place; he rescued me, because he delighted in me. - Psalm 18:19
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So, I reflect with gratefulness at the journeys these shoes, both figuratively and literally, have brought me on. But, I excitedly put on my new shoes, because I KNOW that God is faithful. Even if my trust is shaky and I can't see how the path is laid before me, I chose to use His promises as stepping stones to walk where He is taking me.
Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. - Psalms 119:105
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