Blend: to mingle intimately or unobtrusively; to combine into an integrative whole; to produce a harmonious effect (Merriam-Webster)
I'm slowly learning to be kind but unbending in who I spend my time with and what I spend it doing. The majority of my time, I want to spend with big dreamers and big doers; people who see the impossible, make a plan, and take risks! Why? Because I am striving to live that way.
I make a lot of smoothies in the mornings - carefully selecting ingredients both for nutrition and taste. Bananas for texture. Chocolate chips and peanut butter for flavor. Chia seeds and oats for fiber and nutrients. Milk so it blends. When I drink it, everything has a distinct taste and texture. It is way more delicious to drink mixed together then if I was eating the ingredients separately. But there is a give and take. Ingredient selection varies. For example, if I'm going to put chocolate and peanut butter in it, I have to trade out putting spinach in it.
Sometimes I get stuck in this lie that everything is all or nothing. I tend to start feeling that if I budge an inch on a piece of my personality I will lose myself or that I will morph into my husband. That's not true. I'm a unique person and he is also. Sometimes I need to lay aside my "justice-minded" temper and approach things with a gentler word. This doesn't mean that I give it up completely or become a door mat. It means that I learn how to use discernment for which approach to utilize. Luis and I are two great people individually, but we are even better together. Why? Because we both bring our own flair to the table, and when we blend it, we have more of the fullness of God in our marriage and life.
In our home, we don't have a TV, and although we have phones, very rarely watch movies or shows. The shocked reactions I get from people who find out make me laugh. A lot of times I get asked, "Why??" or "What do you do?" We have a busy life. Luis and I both work full time jobs, are involved with our church, are passionate about people, traveling, and real estate. We have chosen not to spend our precious "free time" watching TV. The trade off is that we have more time to create, read, and explore.
Life is like that, and relationships are like that. A give and a take. We must select the qualities most important to have and set aside others things and qualities in each relationship and each aspect of life that don't line up with our values and goals. It does not make other people's approaches, values or goals wrong. It takes ownership of our lives and helps us to be good stewards of our time.
J.R.R. Tolkien said, "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
"And" is a beautiful word. A stretching word. A word that speaks of compromise and inclusivity.
I am a black and white person. I like blunt expectations and straight-forward communication. It helps me navigate the world and leaves me feeling less unraveled then trying to interpret and figure out what everyone is saying and if their words are lining up with their tone and body language.
But let me tell you something, traveling and exploring other cultures and working with special needs people have taught me a lot about gray areas and the grace of them.
The more I walk this blending season out, the more I am realizing that life is a lot of "ands", not "ors". For example, I can love the country and the woods and be content living life in my city row house. I can appreciate the convenience of city life while being thankful that I have a mountain within walking distance of my house. It doesn't have to be that I can only like or thrive in the country OR the city. I can be both hot-culture (group mentality) and cold-culture (individualistic) in my approach to life. I can invite close friends and just-met friends into my home at the same time. I can say no to plans and stay home and rest. I can hold onto my Christian traditions while exploring other Christian traditions such as contemplation.
In today's American culture, I seem to be either for something or against it. There are few middle grounds and places of compromise especially for people that think, look, or act differently than. However, the most of the world isn't like that.
Two resources that I've encountered recently have been challenging and inspiring me on this idea of "and." The first one is Aaron Niequist's Eternal Current podcast, especially his episode "We Need Everyone" with Rev. Stephanie Spellers. The second one is the book "Foreign to Familiar" which talks about cultural differences around the world. Both have been teaching me about the value of blending, learning, growing, and community.
Some days this blending season is "intimate and unobtrusive" as Luis and I both stand at the sink to brush our teeth, or move about our kitchen meal prepping. Other days it takes some hard work and grit to "produce a harmonious effect" of navigating cultural differences. As a white American girl, I try to be on time. This can make me a very rigid person at times when I cling to a schedule. As a Dominican Latino man, Luis has a more relaxed outlook on time - stopping to chat with people around town, not being as time conscientious. As we navigate this, I become more relaxed in certain things, while Luis works on being more time aware in others. There is grace for the "and."
Blending is worth the struggle + grace.
When I looked up the word "blend" in the Bible, the 4 references I found were all related to blending perfume and fragrances. Blending creates beautiful things.
Blending has increased my awareness of "different," yet reminds me that everyone is welcome at the table.
Blending has made me ask questions and feel uncomfortable.
Blending has made our life so fun as we pursue individual and couple goals.
Blending is scary and grace-filled and delightful and mysterious.
"If you'd like to identify a person, don't ask them what they do or like to eat or where they live or have studied. Ask them instead what they are living for, what's keeping them from what they'd like to live for, what they crave to read and learn about, what is the drive that keeps them going, or what calls to them most when they are close to their edge or just before they slip into sleep." - Victoria Erickson
"Blended" seems to be the word this season of my life as I settle into life these days. I feel like I'm always pressing the blend button as I navigate new life routines and things that were black and white become gray swirls.
I'm blending my culture, goals, and daily life tasks with those of my husband's.
I'm blending my country girl heart with city ways.
I'm blending my love of travel with appreciation for mundane daily tasks.
I'm blending my familiar skills of being an occupational therapy assistant with uncharted schools and kids.
I'm blending white culture with Hispanic culture in my home, city, and travels.
I'm blending my love of people and hospitality with healthy boundaries and discernment from the Holy Spirit.
I'm blending white culture with Hispanic culture in my home, city, and travels.
I'm blending my love of people and hospitality with healthy boundaries and discernment from the Holy Spirit.
This blending season has been a careful selecting of what is the most important to me.
I've been reading Tsh Oxenreider's book "Notes from a Blue Bike: The Art of Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World" and listening to her podcast Simple on my commute to and from work. In the book, she poses this question -
“Do the choices I make line up with how I really want to live?”
These days, I find myself asking that question frequently as I put my finger on the pulse of my life.
I'm slowly learning to be kind but unbending in who I spend my time with and what I spend it doing. The majority of my time, I want to spend with big dreamers and big doers; people who see the impossible, make a plan, and take risks! Why? Because I am striving to live that way.
I had to (and have to) define what is most important to me: My relationship with God, Luis, close friendships, self-care, traveling, hospitality, business, to name a few. After defining those things, I have been making goals in each area, and then making all the small choices in my life add up to work on those goals.
No small task is wasted. 5 minutes is either spent working towards my goals or distracting me from them.
Blending doesn't assimilate the individual ingredients. Instead, it makes the result more flavorful.
I make a lot of smoothies in the mornings - carefully selecting ingredients both for nutrition and taste. Bananas for texture. Chocolate chips and peanut butter for flavor. Chia seeds and oats for fiber and nutrients. Milk so it blends. When I drink it, everything has a distinct taste and texture. It is way more delicious to drink mixed together then if I was eating the ingredients separately. But there is a give and take. Ingredient selection varies. For example, if I'm going to put chocolate and peanut butter in it, I have to trade out putting spinach in it.
Sometimes I get stuck in this lie that everything is all or nothing. I tend to start feeling that if I budge an inch on a piece of my personality I will lose myself or that I will morph into my husband. That's not true. I'm a unique person and he is also. Sometimes I need to lay aside my "justice-minded" temper and approach things with a gentler word. This doesn't mean that I give it up completely or become a door mat. It means that I learn how to use discernment for which approach to utilize. Luis and I are two great people individually, but we are even better together. Why? Because we both bring our own flair to the table, and when we blend it, we have more of the fullness of God in our marriage and life.
In our home, we don't have a TV, and although we have phones, very rarely watch movies or shows. The shocked reactions I get from people who find out make me laugh. A lot of times I get asked, "Why??" or "What do you do?" We have a busy life. Luis and I both work full time jobs, are involved with our church, are passionate about people, traveling, and real estate. We have chosen not to spend our precious "free time" watching TV. The trade off is that we have more time to create, read, and explore.
Life is like that, and relationships are like that. A give and a take. We must select the qualities most important to have and set aside others things and qualities in each relationship and each aspect of life that don't line up with our values and goals. It does not make other people's approaches, values or goals wrong. It takes ownership of our lives and helps us to be good stewards of our time.
J.R.R. Tolkien said, "All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us."
"And" is a beautiful word. A stretching word. A word that speaks of compromise and inclusivity.
I am a black and white person. I like blunt expectations and straight-forward communication. It helps me navigate the world and leaves me feeling less unraveled then trying to interpret and figure out what everyone is saying and if their words are lining up with their tone and body language.
But let me tell you something, traveling and exploring other cultures and working with special needs people have taught me a lot about gray areas and the grace of them.
The more I walk this blending season out, the more I am realizing that life is a lot of "ands", not "ors". For example, I can love the country and the woods and be content living life in my city row house. I can appreciate the convenience of city life while being thankful that I have a mountain within walking distance of my house. It doesn't have to be that I can only like or thrive in the country OR the city. I can be both hot-culture (group mentality) and cold-culture (individualistic) in my approach to life. I can invite close friends and just-met friends into my home at the same time. I can say no to plans and stay home and rest. I can hold onto my Christian traditions while exploring other Christian traditions such as contemplation.
In today's American culture, I seem to be either for something or against it. There are few middle grounds and places of compromise especially for people that think, look, or act differently than. However, the most of the world isn't like that.
Two resources that I've encountered recently have been challenging and inspiring me on this idea of "and." The first one is Aaron Niequist's Eternal Current podcast, especially his episode "We Need Everyone" with Rev. Stephanie Spellers. The second one is the book "Foreign to Familiar" which talks about cultural differences around the world. Both have been teaching me about the value of blending, learning, growing, and community.
Some days this blending season is "intimate and unobtrusive" as Luis and I both stand at the sink to brush our teeth, or move about our kitchen meal prepping. Other days it takes some hard work and grit to "produce a harmonious effect" of navigating cultural differences. As a white American girl, I try to be on time. This can make me a very rigid person at times when I cling to a schedule. As a Dominican Latino man, Luis has a more relaxed outlook on time - stopping to chat with people around town, not being as time conscientious. As we navigate this, I become more relaxed in certain things, while Luis works on being more time aware in others. There is grace for the "and."
Blending is worth the struggle + grace.
When I looked up the word "blend" in the Bible, the 4 references I found were all related to blending perfume and fragrances. Blending creates beautiful things.
Blending has increased my awareness of "different," yet reminds me that everyone is welcome at the table.
Blending has made me ask questions and feel uncomfortable.
Blending has made our life so fun as we pursue individual and couple goals.
Blending is scary and grace-filled and delightful and mysterious.
"If you'd like to identify a person, don't ask them what they do or like to eat or where they live or have studied. Ask them instead what they are living for, what's keeping them from what they'd like to live for, what they crave to read and learn about, what is the drive that keeps them going, or what calls to them most when they are close to their edge or just before they slip into sleep." - Victoria Erickson
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