Photo courtesy of Cornell Lab of Ornithology
One of the hardest things for me to figure out (and still figuring it out!) in marriage is the balance of Elizabeth as an individual and Elizabeth as a wife. I often feel the tension as I wobble back and forth. Learning how to not feel guilty when my timing is different than Luis'. Learning how to chase personal growth as an individual in a marriage.
It's even harder for me because it's all too easy to stay in the safety net and not push myself personally - even with things I love to do.
I get tired of being the spouse who waits around when I am also called to BE, SEE, and GO. I know that requires me to take steps without constant encouragement. All these thoughts ruminated in my head as I walked at the lake tonight.
As I'm sitting here writing, a beautiful blue jay landed on a branch above me. He sat there looking around for a few moments, catching details, then flew off.
There is a lesson for me from that beautiful blueberry-colored bird.
Like the blue jay, I need to BE: resting and present. I've been learning that a lot in quarantine. To deeply enjoy simple moments. To feel grief and hurt and anger. To live in the now and let go of the plans for the time being. I realize that while this extensive BE time will come to an end (Praise Jesus!), there is a quiet warning to be aware that I guard tightly moments of being in normal rhythms of daily life beyond the quarantine. There is beauty in those moments as I learn to feel and process and do inner workings in my heart, mind, and soul.
Like the blue jay, I need to SEE: evaluating details and making decisions. I need to look around me and inside my heart and evaluate dreams, desires, demands. As I walked tonight I was reflecting that it will be an adjustment to give up some of that self time to other people when the virus recedes. It will require fierce discernment of what is the priority in my life and how I say "No" to and prune things that aren't the priority. It will be hard, and at times, heart-wrenching - saying "No" to good things to say "Yes" to better things. But by the wisdom of evaluation and discernment, I have the ability to make bold decisions in my marriage, in my friendships, in my commitments, and in my individual life.
And lastly, like the blue jay, I need to GO: breathe deep and move. The fears have been shrouding my mind more than normal lately, trying to cloud my dreaming. When I shove aside the fears through whispered prayers and conversations with Luis, I have clarity. I am capable of taking action, and when I don't take action, I am not obedient to the call on my life. I have permission to dream wildly and GO where ideas lead. But the only way to GO is to move, and sometimes those first steps feel tense and uncomfortable. When I push those doubts aside, they still accompany me and pop up at weak moments but I learn not to give their words weight in my life as I take flight.
Practice BE
- gratitude, gratitude, gratitude
- learn to sit alone with your thoughts and hold them as if you were examining them in your cupped hands
- look deeply into the inner workings of your soul, for there you find clarity
- breathe. Expanding your lung capacity, oxygenating all the blood cells in your body
- Make time to dream
Practice SEE
- take the inner-examining a step further. Explore ideas, learn how to see things from new perspectives, research facts and explore topics you know very little about, have weird and honest conversations
- evaluate priorities and start to weed out things, building in time and more flexible margins for those closest to you and for time to create, whatever that looks like to you
Practice GO
- A baby step is still a step. Take them
- be intentional in expanding your boundaries
- physically - going to unfamiliar places
- emotionally - opening up to a trusted person even when it is scary to be vulnerable
- spiritually - exploring new ideas and practices about God
- intellectually - learning about new topics
I believe that God teaches us lessons through His creation, so when I got home from the lake, imagine my surprise/not-surprise when I researched what blue jays are symbolic of: intelligence, interconnectedness (intertwined, connected), curiosity, energy, fearlessness, and clarity. The blue jay against a blue sky was symbolic to Native Americans as "double clarity" (Ancient-Symbols.com).
Observe the blue jay and learn from him - BE, SEE, GO.
"Lord, direct me throughout my journey so I can experience your plans for my life. Reveal the life-paths that are pleasing to you." - Psalm 25:4 (The Passion Translation)
Comments
Post a Comment