Endless Wall Trail, West Virginia - panorama, 2020
Uncertainty and Hope
I don't often process crisis and stress when I'm in in the middle of it. Part of that is personality and the other part is what I have trained myself to do to stay calm in intense situations. After intense situations, I take time to process and bring closure to what happened, what was handled well, and what could have been handled better. But what do I do if the intense situation is a world-wide, seemingly never-ending mountain of the dual epidemic of disease and fear? Will I ever find closure or take time to process this? How do I stay afloat, and even thrive, with so much uncertainty swirling around me? How do I choose to live life well everyday? Is hope even worth it when I can barely see it? How do I keep my soul free when everything else feels like it's being roped and chained to rules and regulations and distrust?
These are the questions that I have been ruminating on for the past four months, while trying to grasp tightly to the thin strands of hope coursing through my veins.
The hope that people are becoming aware of how to be kinder. The hope that we will be able to sit in coffee shops and chat with friends sooner rather than later. The hope of vacations and time spent playing. The hope of belly-splitting laughter. The hope of new lives breathing freshly into this broken world. The hope of lives well-lived at all ages. The hope of hopping on airplanes and seeing the world again. The hope that there are still good things yet to come here on earth. The hope that agape love can change lives. The hope that hurts can be healed. The hope that is eternal with life in Jesus Christ. The hope that disagreement doesn't mean cancellation. These are the things I've been holding tightly to.
I longed for a vacation. All spring I held out hope that if I can just get to summer, all will be well. I can travel and rest. For me, travel and new places are as essential to my soul as air is to my body. Through travel I have fought fear, had hard edges softened, drew closer with the Creator, and learned how to appreciate small things. Yet, I got to summer and my long awaited vacation to Maine was starting to look like a faded dream due to travel restrictions. I decided to come up with a back up plan. My trip criteria were few: tree time, hammock naps, hiking, being around water, rest, time with loved ones.
And that's how I found myself in West Virginia.
What Makes a Mountaineer?
While I knew that I wanted to come to New River Gorge and partake in all the outdoor adventures that it has to offer, I didn't know what an encouragement to my soul it would be.
Nor did I know the state motto until I randomly saw it on a t-shirt and looked it up - Montani Semper Liberi. "Mountaineers are Always Free."
Mountaineering fascinates me - it takes a huge level of preparedness, adaptability, resourcefulness, and grit. It is more physically intense than hiking and can contain climbing, skiing, via ferratas, and bouldering. Following National Geographic climbers and reading memoirs and biographies about climbers just enthralls me even more. Oh, I wouldn't claim to be a mountaineering expert by any means or even remotely know what I'm doing. The only "real mountain" I've climbed is Mt. Katahdin in Maine, fittingly named "The Greatest Mountain" by the Penobscot natives because it is the highest mountain in the state. However, there is much to be learned from mountaineers.
In Basecamp's article "Mountaineer Mindset," the author lists several essential qualities a mountaineer must have.
"Here’s a short list of mental qualities that I have found to be congruent and consistent in many successful climbers that I have read about or climbed with:
- Unwavering self belief
- Ability to visualize success in detail
- Ability to accept and deal with fear
- Ability to manage doubt
- Bulletproof positivity
- The enjoyment of suffering
- Mental Endurance
- Sharp Focus
- Confidence in your ability
- Risk management skills"
That feels fitting for these days and this season. Mountain climbing. Up, up, up with no end in sight. We are all doing it - striving to keep going forward with the tools we have and some semblance of hope to keep us sane.
How are you managing the mental qualities listed above these days? I've been doing fairly well managing the fear end. But enjoyment of suffering?? Yeah, I'm still working on that one. Thankfully, my devotional reading of Streams in the Desert seems to have daily encouragement for me on this subject - slowly teaching me how to see Jesus in all things, especially suffering, and how to sit in it instead of hurrying out of it. How about sharp focus? How are you doing with that one? Are you staying focused on the purpose you have or are you getting distracted by the chaos surrounding us?
When I hiked Mt. Katahdin, it was a thirteen-hour trip of climbing ginormous boulders while gaining
elevation fairly quickly, meticulously groping the rocks of The Chimney as my brother Caleb was below me pushing my feet into rock clefts I couldn't see, pulled left knee muscles, pure awe of the landscape around me from Pamola and Baxter peaks, and amazement that I was victorious despite all the thoughts inside my head stirring up doubt.
Mt. Katahdin, ME - 2015
I believe Sr. Edmund Hillary was right when he said, "It is not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves."
Hiking, Mountaineering, and the Journey of Life
Most days I spend my time hiking, which is different than mountaineering, but they share some mindset qualities.
During our West Virginia trip, we have gone on several awesome hikes on our trip. I often get asked what I like so much about hiking. I love being in the trees - walking, thinking, listening, processing. I like that when I'm in nature life is stripped away to a base state of survival and being. I like that I can out-walk stress and inner turmoil.
The element that I appreciate the most though is that hiking is a combination of appreciating both the journey and the summits. It's an "and" kind of thing - not a hate one, love the other. You don't walk trails if it's not worth it in some way to you, summit or not.
A person unknown once remarked, and I quite agree - "Hiking is a bit like life: The journey only requires you to put one foot in front of the other...again and again and again. And if you allow yourself opportunity to be present throughout the entirety of the trek, you will witness beauty every step of the way, not just at the summit."
Walking one-foot-in-front-of-the-other yields an interesting crop of moments. Sometimes there are marvelous wildflowers or mystifying mushroom textures to behold in forest fields or in tiny tree caves along the way. Other times it's closely eyeballing underneath fallen logs for hidden snakes or stumbling over sneaky tree roots. Sometimes it's breathing deeply of fallen leaves and fresh rain and tree bark. Other times it's sucking air over steep passages, trying to ignore sore toes or blisters, and taking breaks for a sip of water. But oh, the lacy green rainbows of moss hugging rocks and trees in every nook and cranny of the woods. It's worth a closer look to see it holding the dew drops and spider webs and to attempt to fathom the Designer who made it. There is joy to be seen in the details, especially on a path that feels uncertain and unbalanced.
Getting to the summit is an equally beautiful thing - to take some time to sit in awe of the journey to get there; to gain clarity into what lays beyond; and to inwardly process feelings and ideas within my soul. This week I have spent time dangling my legs off of massive boulders, peering over my feet to a drop hundreds of feet below me. I have looked out over frolicking rivers, watching tiny rafts go through the white water rapids below. I have counted train cars as they carried coal to the next location, and watched a climber slowly work her way up the side of the cliff like a sure-footed mountain goat.
Endless Wall Trail, WV - 2020
One Step at a Time - Deep Faith and Hope
There is something to be said for walking up mountains in life and learning how to be fully engaged in and committed to the journey. The stubbed toes and blistered heels - battle wounds along the way. Dark nights and wild unknowns. Embracing suffering and ingenuity along the way. The internal victory of conquering something difficult. The beauty of seeing what lies in front of us, even if just for a few moments. The hope of a well-earned summit view and the daily ordinary of one step at a time.
This is what hope looks like in action. One step at a time and a deep faith of what we are walking toward.
Even on the days when I feel hope start to slip from my grasp because I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I take time meditate on the Word of God.
Job 13:15-16
"Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him; I will surely defend my ways to his face. Indeed, this will turn out for my deliverance, for no godless person would dare come before him!"
Hebrews 11:1
"Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see."
Habbakuk 3:17-19
"Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
YET I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to tread on the heights."
There are a lot of times that we do not see the results yet of what we are hoping for. We need to keep going, resetting and renewing our mind each day. Lamenting and laughing. Filled with a deep knowledge that God is who he says he is, and that in Him, we find strength.
Called to the Mountain
Psalm 61 is one of my favorite Bible passages when I'm feeling quite faint-hearted. It leads me to call out to God for his guidance and wisdom to participate in the journey.
Psalm 61 - Lead Me to the Rock
Hear my cry, O God,
listen to my prayer;
from the end of the earth I call to you
when my heart is faint.
Lead me to the rock
that is higher than I,
for you have been my refuge,
a strong tower against the enemy.
Let me dwell in your tent forever!
Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings! Selah
For you, O God, have heard my vows;
you have given me the heritage of those who fear your name.
Prolong the life of the king;
may his years endure to all generations!
May he be enthroned forever before God;
appoint steadfast love and faithfulness to watch over him!
So will I ever sing praises to your name,
as I perform my vows day after day.
Have no doubt, we are each called to the mountain.
We have been given a choice whether we will go to it or not. Will we engage it and walk it and climb it and crawl it and encounter it? Or will we curl up, weak and afraid and headstrong in our refusal to do arduous things?
Risk analysis is when we weigh the costs with the gains of any given choice.
If you choose not to commit to the mountain, you may have an even but shallow life. You may be able to walk semi-comfortably, but never gaining depth and perseverance. You may have friends walking with you, but not comrades fighting for you. You will have a whole body, but not a deep character.
If you choose to climb the mountain, no matter how high it seems, you will grow. You will stumble and fall and be frustrated and even angry along the journey. You will want to give up many, many times on the ascent. You will be exposed to the elements and feel the rain and sleet and snow. You will have to plan carefully, as well as you know how. Undoubtedly you will have to adapt and problem-solve and flex as things don't go as planned. But the gains? Incredible views, unbelief at how far you've come, a strong mind, overflowing creativity and depth. And freedom, so much freedom.
In climbing the mountains, only then will we truly be free. Freedom isn't the absence of pain and suffering; it's the endurance and victory despite all of the odds against us.
Climb the mountain.
Montani Semper Liberi. Mountaineers are Always Free.
Works Cited
Basecamp. (2018, July 12). Mountaineer mindset. Basecamp. https://basecamptraining.com.au/2018/07/12/mountaineer-mindset/
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