Mondays tend to be laboriously long, and the afternoons even more so. It felt pretty fitting then that 13 days past the due date and 25 hours of labor later, I gave birth to my daughter Jael in the middle of an afternoon on a Monday. At 3:50pm to be precise. You know, that time of the day when you just want to get the hard work done and get to go home.
A wise woman I know told me to remember going into labor that the process of giving birth was like flowering. Slowly blooming as your mind and body do what they need to do to birth the baby into the outside world.
Trying to rest between contractions in the morning.
Post-delivery bonding.
Cord cutting and skin-to-skin.
Such has been the past three weeks into the flowering of motherhood - the milky-breathed kisses and soft snuggles and tender middle of the night whispers. The sore nipples and figuring out the meanings of various cries and learning how to clean poop-stained clothing. The sweet smiles and tiny clothes and a million cuddles. Enduring patience in building sleep and nursing schedules.
The Accomplishments We are Celebrating
- Jael's first road trip (2 weeks long!) in Glammi and Papa's RV to Florida
- Luis and I practiced taking turns soothing and caring for Jael
- Breastfeeding!
- Jael's first wedding at a week and a half - Yay Uncle Caleb and Aunt Lawson!
- Jael's first visit to a National Park - Hello Everglades!
- Sleeping a 6-7 hour stretch through the night
- Reading children's books together
- Working on a bedtime routine
- Giving lots of grace and patience to ourselves and each other as we figure out parenting and learn all about the new person in our life
- Figured out how to pump
- Jael dipped her toes in the Gulf of Mexico and traveled through 9 states! She's on track to catch up with Mama's 49 states ;)
- Jael spent lots of time with her aunts and uncles and my parents and is obviously adored.
- Jael gave out lots of smiles and laughed for the first time at 3 1/2 weeks when she heard me laughing! (Cutest thing ever!)
- Coffee shop visits during our 2 weeks in Florida
- Jael did a good job thrift shopping with me, my mom, and my sister!
- Jael had her first babysitters - our friends Matt and Danielle loved on her at my brother's wedding so that we could dance and relax at the reception.
- A visit to one of the schools I worked at so some of my students could meet Jael. Several of my boys asked (and got) to hold her and it was precious!
- Jael's favorite song is Jesus Loves Me and I sing it about 10 times as she settles down for bed.
Mornings with my girl!
Jael's first boat ride - in the Everglades!
Beach house cuddles
Mom life -- wedding make up and silly faces
The Lessons I'm Learning
- Take one day at a time and set expectations at a manageable level (and adjust as needed!)
Some days are more productive around the house then others. Some days are more snuggly with Jael and just resting and learning her rhythms. It's okay if not everything on the to do list gets done or if the baskets of clothes take a little longer to fold.
- As parents, we set the emotional tone for our children and model emotional health and intelligence to them.
An experiment video that I watched in a child development class in college always sticks out in my memory. The experiment was called the Visual Cliff (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6cqNhHrMJA) and showed how children respond based on the emotional reactions of their parents or caregivers. That's why children of nervous parents tend to be more reticent when exploring, while encouraging parents have more exploratory children.
The Attachment Theory is another principle that guides my intentional parenting. This video is fascinating and discusses how our relationship with our parents as children impacts our adulthood, health, and functioning (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WjOowWxOXCg). I want Jael to have a secure attachment - knowing that as her caregiver, I meet her needs and provide a safe haven and that she can go out and explore and engage with the world.
Ways I practice emotional health and intelligence with Jael: Spending time with her as she's awake - talking, smiling, making eye contact, keeping my voice low and soothing; speaking truth over her - scripture verses, prayers, and declarations, "You are loved. You are fed. You are chosen. You are taken care of." I try to say facts instead of saying "You are okay" to soothe her when she is crying. When she is crying in her crib before bed, I go in and put her pacifier in and sing to her for a minute or two and then I leave again - that way she is not being ignored, but is also learning self-soothing.
- Experiences are often provided by saying "yes!"
We become confident adults when we are given opportunities to try and experience new things and to ask questions and build curiosity, especially as children, because those experiences wire our brain to learn and grow.
For example, yesterday I took Jael to one of my elementary schools to visit some of my former students. They had seen me grow in my pregnancy and asked a lot of questions along the way. The kids loved seeing her and touching her toes and hair. One of my kids asked me if he could hold her, I said "Yes" and showed him how to support her neck and hold her tightly all while standing next to him. He was so excited!
Let's keep modeling learning and growth as adults in the way we ask questions, process information, listen to the ideas of those around us, and teach children to act around us. Modeling these characteristics helps to grow children into healthy, creative, curious, and problem-solving adults!
"Children don't choose to learn in order to do things in the future. They choose to do right now what others in their world do, and through doing, they learn." - Peter Gray
- Laugh often.
We were just getting ready to leave for the beach in Florida when I went to change Jael's diaper. A stream of liquid poop shot out and got all over me and the bed I was changing her on. Luis and I just sat there laughing, and then we worked together to clean us all up!
When I talk to Jael, I often smile and laugh. She smiles a lot and is starting to laugh because of it. I have also noticed that it calms her when trying and getting used to new experiences and/or stimuli. For example, baths. She did not like them at first but I have tried to make it fun for her with lots of smiles, eye contact, and tickles while I bathe her and she is crying a lot less and enjoying them a lot more.
Plus, laughter is just good for mental health of the mama, baby, and everyone else involved! Yay for neuropeptides, serotonin, endorphins, and dopamine coursing through our brains!!
- There is no perfect formula for parenting
Just because something works one day, doesn't mean it will work the next time. Parenting (and really life in general) is a huge game of learning and walking in flexibility.
- Humans are made for rhythms.
Having a baby does change life, just like other major changes, but mostly, it is challenging me to create and flow in new rhythms.
I’m learning to ask myself –
What are the priorities of this season, and how can I flow with the rhythm of it?
What do I need to let go of in order to thrive in this rhythm?
- What we speak (and allow spoken) over our kids matters
A priority for me as I parent is embedding the Word of God in Jael's heart and mind. In order to do this, I must intentionally speak scripture over her. I do this as I pray for her, sing to her, and read to her.
I also try to speak words of life and truth over her.
In the book and movie Ella Enchanted, the fairy godmother speaks a "blessing" over Ella that ends up being more of a curse. The words we speak over people matter. Sometimes this means rejecting what people speak. Some stranger said, "oh, just wait till she ______" and as soon as that person walked away, I quickly prayed "I break that curse off of Jael." Guard your children - physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally.
Motherhood has been such a gift to me. It's opened a new dimension and aspect and challenge to my life, like being able to see color, but then having those colors enhanced. I'm so thankful. For Jael. For Luis. For this opportunity. For grace.
"Motherhood is a million little moments that God weaves together with grace, redemption, laughter, tears, and most of all, love."
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