I'm pretty sure "no adults in the bounce house obstacle course" was one of the rules as I was manning the course at our church picnic Sunday afternoon. That was all well and good until I forgot about the rule and at the end of the picnic challenged my friend to a race.
Dive. Climb. Fall. Laugh. Throw. Pop! Pain. Stillness.
Numbly I climbed out of the bounce house, told someone to find my husband as fast as possible, and took account of where my daughter was in her stroller. I had a friend fashion a sling out of the baby's blanket and tie the laces of my Converse shoes.
Irresponsible. Foolish. Dumb. The words whispered in my mind on the drive to the urgent care. You are a mom now. Act like it.
We got to the urgent care; Luis juggling the paperwork and the baby, while I attempted to stabilize my arm and take calming breaths.
The paperwork lady told me, "You will have to go to the ER if it's dislocated. Do you want to just go now?"
"No, I want to at least get a better sling here because my arm really hurts," I winced and rested my head on the edge of her desk.
A few minutes later, I was sitting on the exam table and the PA was examining my shoulder.
"Dislocated!" She confirmed, and I slowly walked to the X-Ray room to get pictures trying not to jar my shoulder in the process.
Dislocation X-Rays of my shoulder; the head of the humerus is popped out of the socket
It was a humerus situation, but not a humorous one 😜
Picture taken AFTER my shoulder was put back into place
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Maybe it was the Lord's way of mentally preparing me for my own dislocation or maybe it was all the conversations I've had lately that it's okay to wrestle things out with God, but the story of Jacob wrestling God in the Bible has been on my mind the past few weeks.
Genesis 32:22-32 (The Message Version)
But during the night he got up and took his two wives, his two maidservants, and his eleven children and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. He got them safely across the brook along with all his possessions.
But Jacob stayed behind by himself, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he couldn’t get the best of Jacob as they wrestled, he deliberately threw Jacob’s hip out of joint.
The man said, “Let me go; it’s daybreak.”
Jacob said, “I’m not letting you go ’til you bless me.”
The man said, “What’s your name?”
He answered, “Jacob.”
The man said, “But no longer. Your name is no longer Jacob. From now on it’s Israel (God-Wrestler); you’ve wrestled with God and you’ve come through.”
Jacob asked, “And what’s your name?”
The man said, “Why do you want to know my name?” And then, right then and there, he blessed him.
Jacob named the place Peniel (God’s Face) because, he said, “I saw God face-to-face and lived to tell the story!”
The sun came up as he left Peniel, limping because of his hip.
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The dislocation, the alignment, and just healing my arm this week have had me thinking a lot about lessons I can learn from this experience.
1. Life happens.
These were words of mine that my friend Elisa spoke back to me as I was mentally berating myself after I hurt my shoulder. Could I have chosen not to get on the bounce house? Sure, but there are more boring ways I could have dislocated my shoulder - falling, slipping on ice, a seizure, an arm yank, etc. Not going on a bounce obstacle course doesn't guarantee I wouldn't hurt my shoulder in another way. Accidents happen.
2. Seize the disturbance
Dislocation by definition is a "disturbance from a proper, original, or usual place or state" (Oxford Languages).
I don't know about you, but I don't like disturbances. I like routines, and structure, and the expected. Yet, many, many times in life, God has used disturbances to teach and guide me.
I was in the middle of a church picnic and 4th of July celebrations when I dislocated my shoulder. That is definitely not how I would choose to have my day go. Any day. But you know what I had in the midst of the day? The opportunity to remain calm throughout the situation and the ability to control my attitude even when I was in the worst pain of my life.
We are allowed to wrestle with God. To ask him the hard questions. To try to use our human understanding to learn heavenly ways. It does not intimidate him or anger him. In fact, God tells us to boldly approach his throne of grace (Hebrews 4:16).
One of the things I love most about the story of Jacob wrestling with God is that not only does he wrestle with God, but then he refuses to leave without a blessing. Getting healed immediately wasn't his blessing. He still left the encounter with a limp. But more importantly, he left with a new name and identity.
3. Sometimes getting realigned is painful or uncomfortable, but realignment is imperative for health
Having a dislocated joint put back into place can be one of the most painful events. I've seen videos of people yelling or screaming and I was fully prepared to be one of those people. I asked Luis to take the baby out of the room so that if I screamed, she wouldn't hear me. Thankfully, the PA moved my arm slowly into a technique called a reduction, and taking deep breaths and mentally visualizing my humerus going back into the glenoid cavity, I was able to manage the pain without yelling.
In life, when areas are getting realigned, it can be unpleasant, painful, or difficult. This could look like making better health or lifestyle choices, keeping a positive mental attitude when in a negative environment, and other situations life throws at us. It is imperative to realign though so that worse damage isn't done. If my shoulder would have been out of socket longer, there would have been an increased chance of muscle or ligament tears or stretches, or nerve damage.
4. Movement is the antithesis to "frozen"
After she put my shoulder back into place, the PA reminded me to keep it in a sling a few days and then to let my arm hang and slowly move it to prevent "frozen shoulder". Thankfully, after a few days of increased rest, I was able to move my shoulder with slow, deliberate movements.
Just like a frozen shoulder can happen, if I refuse to move in life and take risks, I can feel paralyzed from fear or anxiety. We must keep moving forward, even if they are the tiniest, most simple movements. These movements still move us towards our goals and keep us from frozen behavior. They also teach us obedience if it's something that God asks us to do.
5. Lovely Limitations, learning to embrace what I wouldn't choose
The blogger The Nester has a term "Lovely Limitations" to describe things in our homes that we wouldn't choose but have to work with. That is the perfect description for having a dislocated shoulder, especially with an 8-week-old baby!
This week I have had to practice resting better, asking for help more, listening to my body's cues, and going slowly as I cared for myself, Luis, and the baby. This dislocation has been a remembrance of human limitations. We cannot do it all or be it all.
We are handed limitations throughout the lifespan. Are we willing to call them lovely and work with them to the best of our abilities, flexing our creativity and adaptability muscles? Choosing a good attitude even when we would rather not?
"Attitude is the difference between an ordeal and an adventure." - Bob Bitchin (the moniker of Robert Lipkin)
5. Sometimes a dislocation happens again.
Because I have dislocated my shoulder once, the chances increase that I could do it again. One of the most common times is putting on clothes at a funny angle or wrong way. Something I have to ask myself throughout life's moments is "What garments am I putting on?" We chose what we portray and what characteristics we walk in. If you have a relationship with God, the Bible gives us some characteristics, but even if you aren't "religious", there are still characteristics that are better to walk in.
Colossians 3:5-8 (ESV) talks about things we should take off or "put to death."
Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. On account of these the wrath of God is coming. In these you too once walked, when you were living in them. But now you must put them all away: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk from your mouth.
Colossians 3:12-14 (ESV)
Put on then, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.
Just as I need to be careful getting dressed and doing other tasks that could reinjure my shoulder, I need to carefully guard what I am portraying. In my marriage, I want to keep seeking to be a kind, encouraging wife, not a nagging or mean-spirited one. In my motherhood, I want to keep working on parenting gently and straightforwardly - giving my kids a good example to follow in how I love, apologize, and live life. In my friendships and relationships with those around me, I want to keep working on patience, compassion, and forgiveness.
6. Blessings can still happen in the midst of the chaos
It was literally an act of God that the Physician's Assistant on duty when I went in was an ER physician's assistant who took occasional shifts at the urgent care. After checking my arm out, she said, "I can put it back into place for you, but you don't have the option of a sedative here and it can be very painful." I looked at her and said, "If you are confident you can do it, I trust you." When I was getting my second set of x-rays done to make sure it was back into place, the x-ray tech told me, "You are lucky Santana was the one on duty -- no one else here puts shoulders back into place."
When I believe the lie that everything has to be smooth sailing to receive a blessing, I miss out on opportunities to be blessed because I'm too busy being ungrateful for things that are going well. Blessings can still happen in the midst of the chaos.
A week ago, I had no idea a dislocated shoulder was coming my way, or more importantly, the lessons learned from it. But here we are, yet another adventure on the crazy journey of life!
My shoulder realigned once more! Yay!
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